Austin mentioned you might be taking a break from trying for a baby. That’s probably wise. Sometimes when we want something too badly, we push it away. Did he say anything else about our situation? There was a pause. Just that you’re both doing some soularching about what you want your future to look like. After she hung up, she realized Austin was managing the narrative.
To his family, this was a mutual decision, a healthy break where they were both figuring things out. He wasn’t the husband who’d abandoned his wife during a medical crisis. He was the reasonable man, taking space to make sure he was making the right decisions. The phone calls became less frequent. Austin would check in every few days, asking how she was doing, but sharing nothing about what he was doing or feeling.
When she asked about coming home, he’d say he wasn’t ready. When she asked what he needed to be ready, he’d say he didn’t know. 2 months into their separation, she got a call from their insurance company about a claim Austin had submitted for a consultation with a urologist. I’m sorry, there must be some mistake, she told the representative.
My husband hasn’t seen a urologist. According to our records, Austin Adabio had a consultation with Dr. Williams on March 15th for a fertility evaluation. Her hands started shaking. Can you tell me what kind of evaluation? I can’t give you specific medical details, but I can confirm the appointment was for male factor infertility testing.
Austin had gone to a fertility doctor while telling her he needed space from their fertility journey while making her feel like she was the one with the problem. He’d been getting his own fertility tested. She called him immediately. Why didn’t you tell me you went to see a fertility doctor? Amanda, how did you find out about that? The insurance company called Austin.
Why would you get tested without telling me? Because I wanted to know for myself before I told you anything. Know what? Austin was quiet for a long moment. The results showed some issues on my end. Low sperm count, motility problems, stuff that would make it really hard for us to conceive naturally.
She sat down hard on her kitchen chair. How long have you known this? about three weeks. Three weeks. Austin, this changes everything. This means it’s not my fault. This means all those years of making me feel defective. All those comments about my body not working right. All of it was Amanda, it doesn’t change anything.
What do you mean it doesn’t change anything? Of course it changes everything. We could do IVF with your sperm or look into other options. Or no, we couldn’t. Something in his tone made her blood run cold. What do you mean we couldn’t? I mean, I don’t want to do IVF. I don’t want to go through fertility treatments.
I don’t want to keep trying to force something that clearly isn’t meant to happen. But now we know why it wasn’t happening. We can fix this. I don’t want to fix it, Amanda. I want to accept it. Except what? That we’ll never have children. Except that maybe we’re not supposed to have children together. The word together hung in the air like a bomb waiting to explode.
Austin, what aren’t you telling me? Silence. Austin, I’ve been seeing someone. The words hit her like a truck. She actually dropped the phone and had to scramble to pick it up. You’ve been what? It’s not serious. It just happened. But it’s made me realize that what we have isn’t working anymore. You’ve been cheating on me. We’re separated, Amanda.
I wouldn’t call it cheating. We’re separated because you said you needed space to think about our marriage, not because you wanted to date other people. I know how this sounds, but meeting someone else has shown me what I’m missing. Talking to her made me realize how unhappy I’d become in our marriage. She just gets it.
She has this elegance, this class. It made me see what was missing. She felt like she was drowning. What’s her name? That’s not important. It’s important to me. What’s her name? Her name is Cynthia. She works at my company. Cynthia. He’d been working late all those months. And she thought it was because he was stressed about their fertility issues, but he’d been building a relationship with someone else.
How long have you been seeing her? It started a few weeks before I moved out. A few weeks before, Austin, you asked for a separation so you could be with someone else. No, that’s not how it happened. Cynthia and I were just friends, but talking to her made me realize how unhappy I’d become in our marriage.
