Our son, Noah, was born in the second year.
Liam delivered pizzas on weekends to cover the hospital bill.
I passed my licensing exam the week I found out I was pregnant with our daughter.
We rented a one-bedroom apartment
Ellie came early.
Too early.
The NICU walls were the longest six days of my life.
I stood at her incubator, counting her breaths, terrified each one would be her last.
Liam slept in the plastic waiting room chair every night, refusing to leave the building.
On the third day, I broke down and called my father’s house.
Ellie came early.
Miriam answered.
« Miriam, please, » I whispered. « I just need him to know. Ellie was born. She’s struggling. Please tell him. »
There was a pause.
« I’ll pass along the message, » she said, her voice smooth as glass.
He never called.
Ellie came home on the seventh day.
He never called.
The years stacked up like dishes in our small sink.
I got a job.
Liam started his own delivery route.
We saved enough for a down payment on a little yellow house with a crooked porch.
The day we got the keys, Liam stood in the empty living room turning slowly in a circle.
« What are you thinking? » I asked.
The years stacked up.
He smiled. « Just figuring out where everything goes. »
I looked around and laughed.
« For the first time in your life, nobody gets to tell you your place. »
His eyes met mine.
« No, » he said. « Looks like I finally found it. »
« Nobody gets to tell you your place. »
Birthdays were the hardest part.
Noah was four when he first asked about it.
« Mommy, why does my friend Sam have two grandpas in his pictures? »
I knelt beside him at the coffee table. « Some families look different, sweetheart. »
« Do I have another grandpa? »
I hesitated.
« Some families look different, »
Liam looked up from the floor where he was building blocks with Ellie.
« You have one grandpa who isn’t around right now, » I said carefully.
« Why? »
« Because he made a choice a long time ago. »
Noah considered this. « Can he unchoose it? »
I couldn’t answer him.
« Can he unchoose it? »
I went into the kitchen and cried over a sink full of soap bubbles.
